Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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