I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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