I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
