I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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