Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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