I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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