I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
