If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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