yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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