i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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