Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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