Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
