I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
