I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
