Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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