Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
