Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
How's work?
Spinning.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
