Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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