He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
