That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
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