oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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