Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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