needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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