I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
