yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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