and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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