Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Semen is not good for contacts.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
