clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
