So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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