I faked an abortion last night.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
