At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
