I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
