i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
