i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize