It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
