So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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