if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
