brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
