What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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