but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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