During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
