The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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