the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
