There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
