If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
