I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
