dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
