I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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