i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
