There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
