new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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