finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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