I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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