Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
