Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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