I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
