I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
why do cheetos always look like penises
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i think im in europe. pls send help
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
