hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
