my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i wish my penis had a tongue
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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