i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
