I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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