I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
