I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
