I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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