Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize