Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
