so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
