the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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