I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
