at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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