Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
