I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
pray to the hookup gods
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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