When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I intend to get homeless drunk
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
